Duane Bair

My wife Betty became ill with cancer. After surgery, Betty was very well for a while. Then she developed pain that was treated as arthritis and osteoporosis. It was found to be cancer and the cancer was inoperable. The cancer was entwined in the nerves coming off the spine.

Betty was given radiation treatments. The pain became more disabling; her movement in our home was over. She was spending 95% of her time in bed. The pain broke through the medication and she was admitted to the hospital for pain control. Betty was put on more medication and sent home. I quit my job to stay home and provide care for my wife.

At this time, Betty was on Medicare and the cost of medication was $1,200 a month.

A month later, Betty was back in the hospital again for pain control. At this point we had to make some decisions. We talked to our family doctor and the cancer doctor. We discussed moving Betty to a nursing home and then we talked about Hospice - we chose Hospice.

The Hospice nurse came to our home twice each week. Our emotional and spiritual support people came as often as we needed to see how Betty and I were getting along.

Caregiver was a new role to me. I gave Betty baths, washed her hair, made beds, washed clothes, cooked and gave medication from 6 AM to midnight.

It was heart breaking to see the person I loved disappear a little at a time and to see her in pain that sometimes could not be controlled. I thank God for the privilege to care for my wife in our home. I was very confident in myself as a caregiver only because of the supervision of Hospice and their being available 24 hours a day to direct all aspects of Betty's care at home.

Hospice takes great pride in the services they provide and it showed in Betty's well being and that she had no hospitalizations after they started service. Betty was able to remain at home among her own personnel things, our grandchildren could call then they wanted, friends could stop by at will. I am thankful to God, our doctor and Hospice for the privilege to care for my wife of 43 years in our own home until the Lord called her home.

Kathy Langel

"Would you please rub my head and not leave me alone when I'm dying, Kathy?" Those were the words my 38-year-old husband, Jami, said to me after he came home from the Mayo Clinic and was given two weeks to live. He had surgery three months earlier to remove a tumor.

We didn't know how to deal with this news. Our children - Bobbie Jo, 17; Jared, 11; and Megan, 10 - were completely baffled. How could this be? I went into auto pilot as I cared for Jami. His pain started fast and furious. Visits with our family doctor frequently ended with, "Can I call Hospice for you?" When our doctor contacted Hospice and set up a meeting-I was scared.

The hospice worker came to our home. She gave us options for his care, talked about what Jami wanted from Hospice and told us what they could offer. It was very difficult to face the reality of my husband's impending death-almost unreal. Jami chose to stay at home. He wanted me to care for his personal needs, which I did under the direction of Hospice.

I don't know what we would have done without our hospice nurse. She was so kind and gentle. She kept Jami and me very informed as to what to expect with Jami's disease. There were no surprises.

A hospice social worker came and talked to the kids and me. She understood what we were going through. She didn't try to "fix" us, but let us know that she was there for us.

It was hard seeing a strong 38-year-old body builder, farmer, husband and father die a death of cancer. It would have been so much more difficult doing it without the help of Hospice of Siouxland.

On March 7, 2000, Jami died in his bed with me rubbing his head, Bobbie holding his hand, Jared and Megan sitting by him surrounded by family just the way he wanted it. Oh, and yes, his hospice nurse was there too, away from the crowd with a tear in her eye.

Hospice's care and concern for my children and me did not end with Jami's last breath. There is a craziness that people feel when they go through grief and we were no exception. The bereavement coordinator helped us realize that our feelings and emotions were normal. She was also able to connect with my children. They opened up to her and shared thoughts and feelings about Jami that they don't share even with me. I can't tell you how helpful the bereavement support was and still is.

We are in for a long road, but we know where we can turn for help. Someone does care, someone knows how we feel-it's Hospice.

- Kathy Langel & family